Does it ever feel like no matter how much you clean, things are always chaotic in your home? I spent so many years feeling believing that if I just cleaned harder and organized better, my house would finally look Instagram-worthy. The truth was, however, that no matter how hard I worked or how many new storage bins I purchased, the chaos was never fully contained.
Why Should You Declutter?
I have news for you. The “average” American home is not average at all. We own so much more than people in most other countries and it’s not to our benefit. The average household contains 300,000 items. We have garages so full of stuff we can’t park our cars. We have extra refrigerators and freezers to try to contain the overflow of extra food. Most homes contain at least 300 toys, though children only play with about 12 toys per day. And 10% of us are paying for additional storage outside the home. If all that doesn’t bother you, this might: all this extra stuff increases our time spent doing housework by about 40%.
Free Up Storage Space
When I was young, I would have considered myself to be a low-level hoarder. I wanted to keep everything. For me, every item in my possession had a special meaning. I kept shirts I hated because they were gifted by people I loved. I kept bottle caps from parties and every stub from every movie I had ever seen in theater. I kept the plastic hotel keys from every night’s stay. I kept every old T-shirt from every event I attended in preparation to make one of those cool T-shirt quilts.
As you can imagine, my “collection” quickly got out of hand, and it wasn’t long before I found all my storage spaces overflowing with things I felt like I needed to hold onto, but that were truly only detracting from my life. When I finally allowed myself to get rid of things, it was amazing to finally be able to open a drawer or a closet without things falling out. I finally got to enjoy my space!
Create a Sense of Peace in the Home
Along with that, I became aware of how sensitive I am to my surroundings. Because I had always lived in chaotic spaces, I didn’t realize how much I needed the calm until I experienced the difference it made in my home. Even too many decorations can make a space feel very disordered. This is the reason most people enjoy hotels, they are simple living spaces that are not full of clutter. When we are not constantly bombarded by clutter, we are better able to tune in to our kids and to focus on tasks.
Be Free of Guilt
The reason we feel so much peace in a calm, clutter-free space is because every object in your home is asking something from you. The pile of papers on the counter is asking you to sort through them and file them away properly. The stand-mixer in the kitchen is asking you to make a batch of cookies. The pile of clothes on the living room couch is asking to be folded. You get my point. If you are in a room filled with so many things, it is a wonder we are able to focus at all.
Of course, we can’t just live in completely sterile environments so we have to accept that there will be some amount of chaos. And personal effects are what make a place feel homey, but we can be intentional about what we want to surround ourselves with and what items we are okay with sharing a space with.
Difficult Items to Declutter
Sentimental Items
If you have something you do not like that was given to you by someone special, you should be able to rest easy knowing that if they truly love or loved you, they would want you to be happy. There is no use holding onto items for someone else’s benefit. They are living their lives and you need to do the same. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for choosing to be the master of your own life. Many times, other people will have different expectations than you do about your life and that is okay.
If you have items from somebody who has passed, it is an unfortunately common practice for one to assume all their possessions and intermix them with their own, doubling their material burden. Instead, if you are faced with this situation, I recommend you take only what is useful to you and to choose perhaps one or two sentimental items that remind you of good memories of that person. You should aim to find a way to display this item or two in your home. By doing this, you can maintain positive energy in your home when you look at the item and remember good things. Compare this to the feeling you would have if nearly everything you looked at reminded you of that person and your grief over losing them.
Items You Paid Significantly For
These items used to be something I struggled with decluttering. I will use an example. I recently bought a pair of leggings and when I received them, they weren’t quite what I was expecting. They were slightly too small and therefor uncomfortable to wear. I am usually good at making returns, but with this particular item, I missed my return window. I washed them and put them in my drawer, but I found that I never wanted to put them on, even when everything else was dirty. Because of that, they should have easily made their way into my donate pile, but I felt guilty because I paid a lot of money for them and didn’t feel I had gotten my money’s worth. I finally talked myself into letting them go for two reasons. First, I didn’t want to be reminded about how much money I had wasted each time I looked at them and feel guilty. Secondly, I knew somebody else could really enjoy them, which eased my guilt a bit.
Just-In-Case Items
Another one I had trouble with: the just-in-case items. I am a frugal person by nature and to me there is nothing worse than spending money on something unnecessarily. As an example, when I was in the military, each year after my eye exam I would receive three pairs of glasses. As you can imagine, three new pairs of glasses every year for ten years quickly adds up. And though I didn’t actually keep all 30 pairs, I would find myself holding onto about five pairs at a time. And the thing is… I wear contacts every day. I finally had to ask myself, what sort of situation could I find myself in where I would need five backup pairs of glasses? Is it possible? Technically, sure, but it was pretty unlikely. At this point I own two pairs of glasses which between you and me is probably still excessive, but at least it is better than five!
The thing about a home full of just-in-case items is that it gets out of hand pretty quickly. How can we possibly feel like we have room to live in our home when we are holding onto two (or five) backups of everything “just in case”. The reality of modern life is that nearly anything you can dream up can be in your possession within 24 hours or so max. Though things could always change in the future, we can enjoy this for the time being and allow ourselves to enjoy living one day at a time. Humans tend to operate in a state of trying to plan 8 steps ahead and we are very rarely correct about what we think we will need in the future.
Items With Negative Associations
Similarly, we don’t need to hold onto items that make us feel bad, even if they are still functional. For example, I had a dress in my closet for nearly two years that brought up bad memories for me because of something that happened while I was wearing it. The dress still fit well, had no stains or tears, and was high quality. However, every time I put it on, I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. I put it on intending to wear it out a few times, but ultimately changed outfits before leaving the house each time. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I should just donate it. Though an outsider may not understand my reasoning, for me, it was what made the most sense. Why hold onto an item that only brought me negative energy when it could be something really positive for someone else?
Ideas to Kickstart Your Decluttering Practice
Host a Decluttering Party
Hopefully at this point I have sufficiently motivated you to want to start decluttering. When I first started decluttering, I took on way too much way too fast and quickly got overwhelmed. As single moms, we really don’t need to overload ourselves. There is no rush. If you insist on doing everything all at once, however, I urge you to enlist the help of others. You can host a decluttering party with friends or family and let them have any of the items you don’t want. Maybe consider thanking them by cooking them dinner afterward or offering to help them declutter in exchange because decluttering can be hard work!
Create a Donate Box
One of the things I hear people say often is, “I am going to do a big declutter later this year and when I do, this item will get donated.” But if you have already identified an object in your home as something you no longer want or need, why hold onto it for a bigger decluttering event that may or may not ever happen? The practice that really changed my life was to implement an ongoing Donate Box. Each time I identify something I would like to get rid of, it goes in the box. Once I do that, it is out of sight, and out of mind. When the box gets full, I donate it! So simple and it doesn’t involve wearing myself out doing a big decluttering event.
Declutter One Small Area at a Time
I have learned the hard way after biting off way more than I can chew that I need to just go slowly. When I feel the urge to declutter, I will simply attack one drawer or one shelf at a time. This keeps me focused and motivated, as the entire task only takes a couple of minutes. An alternative of this is just to choose a minimum of one item to get rid of each day from any location in the house. You can encourage your children to do the same.
One In, One Out Rule
The tricky thing about clutter is that it always has a way of sneaking back in. This is one of the reasons doing a big annual declutter is not entirely helpful. You must also be thoughtful about what comes into the home on a daily basis. The one in, one out rule brings some intentionality into deciding whether or not to bring a new object home. It is extremely straightforward, if you bring a new item home, you must get rid of an existing item which then gets donated or sold. This way your total number of items stays the same all the time.
Final Thoughts
Decluttering is such a simple thing, but it is something that can change your life and especially the way you feel in your home. By adopting a decluttering practice, you will bering peace and order into your home. You can also pass items along that no longer serve you to others who will cherish them. Decluttering cuts back on the amount of time you waste tending to your things and allows you more quality time for the things that matter. Because of all these reasons, you can’t afford not to start your decluttering journey. Start slow, take your time, and allow yourself to fall in love with the simple life!
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